Finding My Voice
Sifting out, first, which is MY voice, MY beliefs, from the clutter of other voices in my head, which is an amalgam of parents/society/patriarchy, voices deigning to tell me who I am- “woman”, “daughter”, “divorcee”.
I found this snippet in my journal from two years ago. Today, I support my individual healing clients in finding and using their voices all the time. It’s humbling to reflect on my own journey, how hard AND rewarding the work is.
* * * * *
Dec. 2017
This has been a year of dramatic change in terms of using my voice.
Sifting out, first, which is MY voice, MY beliefs, from the clutter of other voices in my head, which is an amalgam of parents/society/patriarchy, voices deigning to tell me who I am- “woman”, “daughter”, “divorcee”.
Then starting to BELIEVE in myself, MY inner wisdom, the resonance and the validity of my life experiences and lessons.
Then, having the courage to USE my voice, SAY my truth, my experience, my beliefs.
At first with a trembling voice, so soft it’s nearly inaudible. And with my stomach so tight I nearly can’t breathe.
But I do it anyway, again and again, not with the intent that it’ll all get easier, or even solve anything, but with the intent that my understanding of the need to speak will continue to deepen and solidify and THAT is the goal.
* * * * *
The path to healing is long. Long. Moments like this are gifts, the realization that we ARE on the path and we ARE doing the work, we ARE healing.
What Exactly is Deep Healing and Transformation?
This work of self-empowerment starts with picking ourselves up out of the rubble, tending to our wounds, internal and external, and then applying the balm of healing modalities.
what exactly is deep release and transformation?
Deep release and transformation include release of old wounds, release of old patterns that no longer serve you. This helps move towards healing and transformation. You release old stories about yourself which are no longer true.
This deep release opens up space for coming home to yourself after a long time or finding your self for the first time.
How do we do deep healing work?
We meet you where you are. Right now. So if we notice that daily meditation isn’t working, we aim for 2 or 3 times a week. We observe honestly what you do have space for and we start there.
This is not about perfection. It’s about the commitment. The commitment to come back to the practice to come back to yourself.
So each week, when we meet and I ask you how the week before went, how you showed up for yourself, I’m not listening for the things you did not do (and most folks will feel bad and say, “I didn’t meditate everyday!”). I’m listening for what you did do. And then I reflect that back to you. How you did show up for yourself. We are doing more than we realize. We are so used to being hard on ourselves, we aren’t used to celebrating what we are doing well. That’s what I’m here for. That is the muscle we support you in building.
trauma-informed healing
My commitment to trauma-informed healing and self-compassion is the foundation of my work.
Trauma-informed means meeting you where you are, not where I want you to be.
It means offering many different ways of doing things and seeing what you find supportive, versus forcing you to use just one technique and making you feel bad if you "fail".
Trauma-informed work is rooted in safe space.
Space where you don't have to do the labor of explaining your identities. They may be shared with others, or there are others who have their own multiple identities and therein lies the understanding. I don't jolt your nervous system with assumptions that I share your exact journey either because that can feel just as violating, and it’s just not true.
Being a trauma-informed practitioner means I am in dialogue with you about everything and how it feels, how you receive it, how we must change it so it works for you.
“you are enough”
Many of us spent our lives being told we were less than. Here, the message is always; “you are enough”, just the way you are.
With me, the message is always: you are doing enough. Whether you practice at home or not, whether you forget to do some of the techniques one day or one week or one month, we always start over.
I am always here for you, without shame or blame. Because we are all human. We work with your humanity not against it.
why this approach?
We approach this work in increments. With self-compassion, self-forgiveness, moving towards self-love. Why?
This work of self-empowerment starts with picking ourselves up out of the rubble, tending to our wounds, internal and external, and then applying the balm of healing modalities.
From there, we stand up. We lift our heads high. We come into the full extent of our power. Our lives are never the same again.
How Reiki Works
Whether it’s physical tension that needs releasing, anxiety or stress, an active mind, Reiki brings balance.
Simply put, Reiki uses the natural energy that flows in each of us to bring your system the balance it needs. Whether it’s physical tension that needs releasing, anxiety or stress, an active mind, Reiki brings balance. Everyone has a different experience with Reiki because the energy serves what each person needs in that moment.
In a Reiki session, you lie down fully clothed, eyes open or closed, your choice. I follow your energy and move my hands around various parts of your body with hands on the body or hovering just above, your choice. You will likely feel heat from my hands and likely get more and more relaxed as the session proceeds. Many folks fall asleep or end the session feeling deeply relaxed.
General benefits of Reiki include reduction in pain and stress, improved sleep, improved digestion. People can feel more motivated, less depressed.
Other benefits include moving through your day with a steadier mood, an expanded self-awareness, increased productivity, and a more profound sense of engagement with the world.
How Individual Healing Works
This is self-care for radical change, for transformation. This is self-care for resilience, for social change. This is self-care for radical self-love.
intentional self-care means commitment
Part of our work together is to help you build a sustaining and consistent home practice of self-care.
Self-care is not about sitting to meditate when you feel like it, going to a yoga class when it fits your schedule. This is self-care for radical change, for transformation. This is self-care for resilience, for social change. This is self-care for radical self-love.
This self-care is mandatory. It is intentional. Thus, it takes commitment. It takes consistency. Like eating every day for your survival, you must tap into your self-care every day. To survive. And eventually, to thrive.
Over time, I offer you tools such as meditation audio recordings, grounding practices to infuse into your day, and more. You begin to integrate them at your pace. I want to help you develop a self-care practice that becomes second nature, like putting on your clothes every morning, not because I told you to, but because you value it, you value you. This in itself will be a journey towards self-healing and self-love.
The other part of our work together is the weekly sessions. I work with folks for a minimum of three months. Why? So you learn to show up for yourself on a regular basis. So the tools and practices integrate more fully and deeply. And faster! Each week, we do a check-in to see how the self-care tools are integrating into your daily practice. You share your victories (or I point them out to you!). We honor your process and celebrate it whole-heartedly every step of the way.
What an Individual Healing Session Looks Like
So each week, we celebrate each step, big and small, together. We tweak things to make them work for you. Nothing is forced. Our humanity is welcome.
Individual healing sessions can be any combination of mindful movement, guided meditation, chakra healing, crystal healing and reiki, depending on what you need in the moment.
Each week, we begin with a check in. You tell me your successes and challenges around using the self-care tool I’ve shared with you the week before. You also tell me your noticings: a difficult conversation that felt a bit easier than it would have in the past, a boundary you set with someone, an afternoon you took to just nap.
I listen carefully and reflect back all the changes you’re bringing into your life because this work is subtle and happens deep down. It’s not like working out and seeing muscles build before your eyes. Spiritual muscles are different. So each week, we celebrate each step, big and small, together. We tweak things to make them work for you. Nothing is forced. Our humanity is welcome.
Since most folks arrive to their weekly session stressed, frazzled, overworked, having combatted Bay Area traffic or public transportation, we do some breath-guided movement to come out of our head and into our body. This also helps folks reconnect to their bodies as many of us feel very disembodied, living more in our heads than in our bodies.
I lead you through guided meditation (this could include breath awareness, gratitude, chakras, visualizations, whatever is called for in the moment). Finally, I set you up in a restorative posture (again depending on what you need that day). Restorative postures bring deep release of muscles and emotional blockages.
At the same time, I place crystals on your person, and do reiki on you to clear out any physical or energetic toxins and bring balance to your system.
You leave the session feeling deeply relaxed and charged up for the rest of your week.
Visiting Family Without Getting Completely Devastated
Because you will have the energy that you “stored away” to prevent a total crash. This energy will cushion the fall and serve to keep you grounded in the life you have chosen for yourself.
Many of us feel anxiety as the holidays approach.
Instead of just being in the anxiety spin, try this exercise:
In the days and weeks leading up to that family visit, really pay attention to the beauty and abundance of this life that you have cultivated for your self.
Open your eyes and open your heart when you are here, now, with your family of choice, and your community of choice. Take in the energy, the support, the love.
Let it cushion your heart.
That way, when you are with family, even though the triggers will happen, the impact will be a lot less strenuous to your nervous system.
Because you will have the energy that you “stored away” to prevent a total crash. This energy will cushion the fall and serve to keep you grounded in the life you have chosen for yourself.
For more tips and tools, see:
Self-Care Tool Kit for Family Visits
Checking Our Internal Narratives Before Visiting Family
Self-Care Travel Kit For Family Visits
Start immediately, build some connection to these tools then pack ‘em up and take ‘em with you. They want to support you. They are always here for you.
When preparing for a visit to family, here’s a self-care routine you can pack and take with you.
Create your self-care travel kit with these simple items:
1.Tea light or candle
2.Palo santo or sage for cleansing
3.Crystal (smoky quartz is great for grounding)
Morning Grounding:
Before you step out of your room for the day, take a minute to center.
1.Light a candle.
2.Light the sage or palo santo.
3. Circle it over the body one time from head to toe visualizing release of negative energy.
4.Second circle over body: draw in positive, grounding energy.
5.Hold the crystal.
6.Observe your inhale and exhale 5-10 times.
**For optimal results, repeat right before bed.
Self-care throughout the day :
1.Take breaks between family time. Sneak off to Starbucks and just reset.
2.Take mini-breathing breaks (same as #6 above). Notice your breath for 5-10 rounds throughout the day.
3.Reconnect with nature (whether snow or sun, wherever your family might be).
**If you’re new to any of this, it’s all good! Start immediately, build some connection to these tools then pack ‘em up and take ‘em with you. They want to support you. They are always here for you.
For more tips and tools, see:
Checking Our Internal Narratives Before Visiting Family
Visiting Family Without Getting Completely Devastated
Checking Our Internal Narratives Before Visiting Family
With holidays coming, anxiety is mounting for many, particularly for QTPOC folks, stepping into the spaces where our trauma originates- and often still lives. Here’s a tip that you can incorporate (like now) to set yourself up for a (teensy bit) more easeful holiday time.
With holidays coming, anxiety is mounting for many, particularly for QTPOC folks, stepping into the spaces where our trauma originates- and often still lives. Here’s a tip that you can incorporate (like now) to set yourself up for a (teensy bit) more easeful holiday time.
Self-Care Tip: noticing and shifting long-held narratives about ourselves.
Step 1: Notice
Notice the narrative, that inner voice, those old messages you’ve held for a long time
What is the brain saying about who you are/were?
Step 2: Check In
What parts are still true (this can be nuanced, be open and accepting)?
What IS true right now?
Step 3: Manifestation Meditation
-Take three grounding breaths.
-Ask the question, “who am I in this moment?” Let thoughts, images, events, energies gather. Let the energy of who you are NOW (empowered, healing, autonomous) fill you with each inhale. Let the energy spread through your being to your outer edges.
-Take three grounding breaths.
Repeat this manifestation meditation at least once a day until (and while) you are visiting fam/home/place of origin.
For more tips and tools, see:
Self-Care Tool Kit for Family Visits
Visiting Family Without Getting Completely Devastated
How I Create Safe QTPOC Space Using Trauma-Informed Practices
Trauma-informed means I meet you where you are, not where I want you to be. I don’t come over and maneuver your body into a yoga pose because that’s the way I want it to look. Rather I trust your body’s wisdom to guide you to do what you see fit.
As a queer, disabled, immigrant woman living with chronic illness, my commitment to trauma-informed healing and self-compassion is the foundation of my work.
Here’s what trauma-informed means to me.
Trauma-informed means I meet you where you are, not where I want you to be. I don’t come over and maneuver your body into a yoga pose because that’s the way I want it to look. Rather I trust your body’s wisdom to guide you to do what you see fit.
Trauma-informed means offering many different ways of doing things and seeing what you find supportive, versus forcing you to use just one technique and making you feel bad if you "fail".
Trauma-informed work is rooted in safe space. Space where you don't have to do the labor of explaining your identities. They may be shared with others, or there are others who have their own multiple identities and therein lies the understanding. I don't jolt your nervous system with assumptions that I share your exact journey either because that can feel just as violating, and it’s just not true- no two people are the same.
Being a trauma-informed practitioner means I am in dialogue with you about everything and how it feels, how you receive it, how we must change it so it works for you. I remind you each time we meet to check in with yourself and your needs in this moment. To articulate them honestly so that this practice is truly about you and your healing
Being truly trauma-informed means teaching a public yoga class and not just saying casually, “Use the wall for tree pose if you need help with balance,” but going to the wall myself, doing tree pose with support for at least one round, because it’s not about how good I, as the teacher, can look doing the pose but to really demonstrate the notion that modifications aren’t less than, just different.
Being trauma-informed means that when I show up for my client, whether in a public yoga class or an individual healing session, I’m doing extra work. The extra work of checking my biases, of using appropriate language, of always, always offering alternatives. And then of accepting the choices folks make as what they truly need, checking my ego that they should do it some other way, my way.
It is a lot of work to always be in the noticing. To strive to provide as safe a space as I can for folks. Which is often an experience that many folks have never experienced before.
And that makes it all worth it.
See also:
Why Sliding Scale Matters
True Self-Care Is Not Instagram-able
How often do we see photos of a super relaxed, bronzed woman meditating against the Caribbean sea, her wispy (most likely blonde) hair blowing in the wind with the hashtag “selfcaresunday”. True self-care moments look like this:
How often do we see photos of a super relaxed, bronzed woman meditating against the Caribbean sea, her wispy (most likely blonde) hair blowing in the wind with the hashtag “selfcaresunday”.
Or a perfectly dressed person sipping a cappuccino at a white-walled cafe decorated with one tastefully macrame-d plant holder, looking off dreamily into the distance: #selfcaremoment.
True self-care moments look like this: you really want to snooze your morning alarm, but you know that will take away the 10 minutes you allotted to your morning meditation. So you sit down, not facing the Carribbean sea, but your slightly cluttered living room. You do your best to ignore the hairball you can see under the sofa, tempted as you are to just spend these 5 minutes sweeping the floor. You close your eyes and you meditate.
True self-care is not cute. It is not always pretty. Not when you do it daily. Self-care is effort. It is commitment. We don’t always see rainbows and hear harp music before or after. Sometimes we remain cranky after our morning sit.
But in coming back to our practice daily, even if it’s ugly and imperfect, we maintain the all-important connection to our selves. This connection, this overall grounding that we cultivate with a daily practice means that in those moments when we experience set back, or get triggered, we will come out of it with more ease and skill than if we don’t have a self-care practice, or a sporadic one that we turn to only in times of crisis.
Self-care takes work. Effort. Consistency.
Before-and-After Photos of a Self-Care Practice
In a society obsessed with the external, with legitimizing every moment with a selfie, the work of self-care can easily take a back seat. Because the work brings up all the feels, and then helps us move through it to a more grounded, easeful place. This work is internal, it is personal, it is hard, it is unglamorous.
